[This is silly, he should just wait until he gets in, he's already headed back to the high-rise building they lived in...and yet he found himself almost lingering outside as though this barrier of the device would offer some protection from the thought he'd been turning over.
He'd already made this request with his friend, with his close acquaintances...there shouldn't be much difference in with asking it of Stephen, beyond the obvious unknown. And yet, on some level, there was. Because they lived together, because of their similarities, because of his respect for the man...Essek wasn't sure. He was sure he was sick of feeling like his heart were to burst from his chest in the uncertainty.
He huffs in disgust at his own reaction and presses the button to send his message. Ridiculous, you'd think he was eighty all over again.]
Stephen, when you have time, I had hoped to discuss something with you; a small request I would like to make, if I may.
[For Stephen, the provision of giving Essek his time and space is one he takes seriously because the request was made and Stephen said in no uncertain terms he'd grant it.
He also said he'd be expecting Essek, and he is, in whatever form that takes.
Evidently, that means via a the devices for the moment, but to Stephen it sort of makes sense on a logistical level.]
I've got time. What is it you want to discuss, Essek?
[He would go in once the question was asked, he told himself. He was a hundred and seventeen, it was shameful he couldn't act like it.]
A...small alteration to our arrangement, if it can be afforded. If not, my reaction will not be negative, I can assure you. It has...come to my attention that I do not react overly well physically, mentally, or emotionally, when it comes to unforeseen or accidental touch, even in a platonic or seemingly normal sense. Even beyond the...nature of what the city's culture expects, my previous inclination to keep myself separate from others physically is not a useful nor likely option going forward.
If I may ask for your help...practicing the push of this boundary, I would be grateful. It need not be much or for long, simple contact is more than I am used to and more than enough to start.
[Stephen is entirely quiet as Essek speaks, feeling the care with which each word is spoken and the sense that he is being trusted with something quite precious here. It therefore deserves nothing short of Stephen's full and undivided attention. Though, if he's honest with himself, somehow in a very short space of time Essek already has that from Stephen at the best of times.]
You're asking for some exposure therapy, of a sort.
[There's another slight pause, then--]
That doesn't sound like an alteration of our arrangement to me. I'd be remiss in my duties to you if I denied something that assures your overall wellbeing.
[Essek obviously can't see it, but Stephen frowns at himself for a brief second, than adds--]
But even without the contract involved, of course, Essek. Time and practice--the most valuable tools for virtually anything. We'll work on this together.
Would you like to map out how we should do this, or would you rather leave it to my digression?
[There's an interesting sort of turn to those words that settles in the back of Essek's mind, but it's not for analysis in the present, he'd return to them later when the hours were late and the city asleep while he is not, as he does with anything that might warrant further reflection.
What he does know, is that there's a small sense of relief and a rush of respect for the man on the other side of the door. Time and practice, yes.]
I would not assume to be an expert on the best way to go forward, I...would like to leave it in- ah, if you'll forgive the phrasing unintentionally apt phrasing- your capable hands, with the respect and understanding on both sides that should there be a line found, we acknowledge and discuss it to either work with or over it. I have no small amount of respect for you, Doctor Stephen Strange, and with that...an offering of trust.
[There was a time in Stephen's life when the idea of engaging in something this personal and intimate would entirely unwanted. It was one of the reasons he opted for neurosurgery and only select cases at that--a very poor bedside manner and a lack of desire to get caught up in sticky emotions, both his own and other people's.
Things are very different now. A Sanctum to run, new Masters to train, knowledge to exchange and grow and pass on.
Somehow though this still feels oddly laden with something else though. More personal, more weighty.]
Regular check-ins and re-evaluation as need be. That sounds more than acceptable. Though from the sounds of it you may not like this process, especially in the earlier stages. So we'll have to be very honest about what isn't working and what's a matter of... Let's say growing pains.
In any case, I should say that I have no intention of shoving you off the deep end, but I will push you when you start to plateau. If this is something you want, I will help you through it and thoroughly, but that doesn't mean it'll be easy.
[He sighs, a bit of relief he didn't know he needed to feel settling all the uneven things in him from the conversation.]
Yes, that is what I want and I appreciate your understanding and patience, far more than humble words may express. [There's a small pause and a smile in his voice as he continues.] For better context, until the last few months, I had not had physical contact with anyone if it could be helped for many decades. Discomfort is expected, but I have found contact to be pleasant when coming from those who I am fond of and trust. Hopefully it will be more...awlward than painful to start, but I will apologize for it now, once, and be done with it.
Now...
[He floats to the door and knocks politely upon it.]
[From where Stephen stands in the room, the soft request makes him smile with a light breath of fondness pressing through his nose before shutting down the audio feed on his device and instead walking to door to open it.]
You'd best do that. Especially if we're planning to have you stay here. Kinda think they'd frown upon me making my Submissive stay in outside in the hallway.
[Compared to previous times when Stephen may have been caught in either his monk-esque robes or the clipped, stylish fashion worn during his week playing at being a local, today he's considerably dressed down--a soft, thin wool jumper, sweat pants, house shoes, definitely an indoor sort of look. Down the hallway, at Stephen's back, the Cloak of Levitation 'peers' around the corner, 'watching' the goings on and floating back and forth with both an air of curiosity and always on notice just in case it needed.
Stephen, however, pays it no mind and instead is quite focused on Essek in the doorway as he offers over a scarred hand.]
[Stephen looks comfortable -at ease- and it puts Essek in the same place with- well, with all of this, really.
From the moment he’s stepped foot out of orientation, he’s had the guise of the Dynasty’s Shadowhand firmly in place, a thing far less easy when it had been so thoroughly and unceremoniously taken apart by the Mighty Nein. He hasn’t been that Essek in some months and not needing to pretend to be had been a surprising relief. One he felt again as he took Stephen’s hand with a smile.
This wasn’t home, but it was safe and a place he might be able to slowly put that guise back down, in time.]
Small or large, we start somewhere, and here seems a good place.
[He gestures to the door behind him with his free hand and pulls it shut with magic, then gives a small wave to the cape lurking by the corner.]
[The hold Stephen offers to Essek is very measured--nothing too tight, nothing too intimate, just a steady hold with the vaguest sense of a tremor that always rolls through Stephen's fingers when he's not very focused on keeping them still.
He lets the moment settle neatly between them, just letting the contact soak up the main focus and energy for a few moments as a slow, small smile crosses his face.]
And it's very good to see you. Here.
['With me' remains firmly unspoken, though potentially implied along with the very mildest tightening of the hold he has on Essek's hand before he carefully loosens the grip and lets go to instead gesture down the hallway.]
How about I show you around and we see if we can't help you to make yourself at home.
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Voice; un: shadowhand
He'd already made this request with his friend, with his close acquaintances...there shouldn't be much difference in with asking it of Stephen, beyond the obvious unknown. And yet, on some level, there was. Because they lived together, because of their similarities, because of his respect for the man...Essek wasn't sure. He was sure he was sick of feeling like his heart were to burst from his chest in the uncertainty.
He huffs in disgust at his own reaction and presses the button to send his message. Ridiculous, you'd think he was eighty all over again.]
Stephen, when you have time, I had hoped to discuss something with you; a small request I would like to make, if I may.
audio; un: dr.strange
He also said he'd be expecting Essek, and he is, in whatever form that takes.
Evidently, that means via a the devices for the moment, but to Stephen it sort of makes sense on a logistical level.]
I've got time. What is it you want to discuss, Essek?
no subject
A...small alteration to our arrangement, if it can be afforded. If not, my reaction will not be negative, I can assure you. It has...come to my attention that I do not react overly well physically, mentally, or emotionally, when it comes to unforeseen or accidental touch, even in a platonic or seemingly normal sense. Even beyond the...nature of what the city's culture expects, my previous inclination to keep myself separate from others physically is not a useful nor likely option going forward.
If I may ask for your help...practicing the push of this boundary, I would be grateful. It need not be much or for long, simple contact is more than I am used to and more than enough to start.
no subject
You're asking for some exposure therapy, of a sort.
[There's another slight pause, then--]
That doesn't sound like an alteration of our arrangement to me. I'd be remiss in my duties to you if I denied something that assures your overall wellbeing.
[Essek obviously can't see it, but Stephen frowns at himself for a brief second, than adds--]
But even without the contract involved, of course, Essek. Time and practice--the most valuable tools for virtually anything. We'll work on this together.
Would you like to map out how we should do this, or would you rather leave it to my digression?
no subject
What he does know, is that there's a small sense of relief and a rush of respect for the man on the other side of the door. Time and practice, yes.]
I would not assume to be an expert on the best way to go forward, I...would like to leave it in- ah, if you'll forgive the phrasing unintentionally apt phrasing- your capable hands, with the respect and understanding on both sides that should there be a line found, we acknowledge and discuss it to either work with or over it. I have no small amount of respect for you, Doctor Stephen Strange, and with that...an offering of trust.
[Which feels...bizarre at best, but not bad.]
no subject
Things are very different now. A Sanctum to run, new Masters to train, knowledge to exchange and grow and pass on.
Somehow though this still feels oddly laden with something else though. More personal, more weighty.]
Regular check-ins and re-evaluation as need be. That sounds more than acceptable. Though from the sounds of it you may not like this process, especially in the earlier stages. So we'll have to be very honest about what isn't working and what's a matter of... Let's say growing pains.
In any case, I should say that I have no intention of shoving you off the deep end, but I will push you when you start to plateau. If this is something you want, I will help you through it and thoroughly, but that doesn't mean it'll be easy.
Is that still what you want?
no subject
Yes, that is what I want and I appreciate your understanding and patience, far more than humble words may express. [There's a small pause and a smile in his voice as he continues.] For better context, until the last few months, I had not had physical contact with anyone if it could be helped for many decades. Discomfort is expected, but I have found contact to be pleasant when coming from those who I am fond of and trust. Hopefully it will be more...awlward than painful to start, but I will apologize for it now, once, and be done with it.
Now...
[He floats to the door and knocks politely upon it.]
If I may come in...?
no subject
You'd best do that. Especially if we're planning to have you stay here. Kinda think they'd frown upon me making my Submissive stay in outside in the hallway.
[Compared to previous times when Stephen may have been caught in either his monk-esque robes or the clipped, stylish fashion worn during his week playing at being a local, today he's considerably dressed down--a soft, thin wool jumper, sweat pants, house shoes, definitely an indoor sort of look. Down the hallway, at Stephen's back, the Cloak of Levitation 'peers' around the corner, 'watching' the goings on and floating back and forth with both an air of curiosity and always on notice just in case it needed.
Stephen, however, pays it no mind and instead is quite focused on Essek in the doorway as he offers over a scarred hand.]
Better start small, hm?
no subject
From the moment he’s stepped foot out of orientation, he’s had the guise of the Dynasty’s Shadowhand firmly in place, a thing far less easy when it had been so thoroughly and unceremoniously taken apart by the Mighty Nein. He hasn’t been that Essek in some months and not needing to pretend to be had been a surprising relief. One he felt again as he took Stephen’s hand with a smile.
This wasn’t home, but it was safe and a place he might be able to slowly put that guise back down, in time.]
Small or large, we start somewhere, and here seems a good place.
[He gestures to the door behind him with his free hand and pulls it shut with magic, then gives a small wave to the cape lurking by the corner.]
Hello to you as well.
no subject
He lets the moment settle neatly between them, just letting the contact soak up the main focus and energy for a few moments as a slow, small smile crosses his face.]
And it's very good to see you. Here.
['With me' remains firmly unspoken, though potentially implied along with the very mildest tightening of the hold he has on Essek's hand before he carefully loosens the grip and lets go to instead gesture down the hallway.]
How about I show you around and we see if we can't help you to make yourself at home.